Exploring the Depths is more than just an opportunity for me to put faux Disney princess mermaids on my website (although that is very on-brand for me.)
Throughout much of recorded history, people have attributed the feminine to the darkness of the unknowable sea. Many years ago, I learned that we were the dark side of the yin yang, that men were the light and the sun and we were the darkly secretive – the depths. Back then, it felt very Star Wars light side as Jedi, dark side as Sith, and I rejected the notion. However, since I’ve come into my own, I have learned to relish the idea that we are the cool dark of night, the hidden mystery of the subconscious. (And to be clear, I think this analogy has plenty of room for the nonbinary among us – I won’t joke about how many shades of gray exist, but there’s plenty of room for ambiguity in between.)
While I would hope to offer something to people from all walks of identity, the dark side of the yin yang is a good analogy for me, as I identify as very feminine, and whatever wisdom I may have to offer will be from that aspect.
There’s yet another layer to the analogy though, because I think that ‘the Depths’ is a great way to think about kink of all kinds. No matter how deep you go, there’s always a Mariana trench of further depth, of other things to discover and explore.
When I was 11 or 12 years old, I stumbled across an old tattered copy of The Delta of Venus, and it spoke to me in ways that I couldn’t begin to name or understand. I read it over and over as the years passed, finding something new in it with every reading. As an adult, I read Anais Nin’s diaries, and while she’s a bit of a controversial figure (though far less so in the kink community, since so much of her taboo came from being garden-variety polyamorous) I associate with her a great deal. I’ve never quite been like other people, never fit in quite right. When I read her thoughts, something in me says “Whatever creature I am, she’s the same kind. We are kindred spirits.”
So it was that I wanted some sort of nod to her in this blog, in my taking the risk to blossom, rather than remain tight in the bud. In the sidebar, you’ll see many quotes by Anais that feel relevant, taken from my bullet journal. I’ll likely add to them over time. The quote that led to this blog’s title felt especially relevant to what I hope to accomplish here: