For months now I have felt this pull, as I discovered more and more amazing podcasts, blogs and even twitter accounts of various sex writers/educators/bloggers, etc. My writer voice, quiet for so long as I have been wrestling other aspects of my life, is telling me that I have something to say in this space. As I watch all the bloggers get ready for Eroticon, I realize that I want to go. As they chat amongst themselves, I want to be a part of that conversation. I want to be a sex blogger.
So I resolved to create my own space on the internet. I thought for the entire month of December – what would I talk about, what kind of content might I create? What would I call my blog, what’s the angle? Pen name? Pictures? Lots of decisions, but talking to Daddy, over the course of the month, slowly I made them.
Then, January came, and it was time to actually build the site. I put in hours with graphics and domains, making everything just the way I wanted it. I love the site, and because I am not sharing it with my family or vanilla friends, not at this point anyway, I am finding I’m surprised by how much it is killing me to have no one to show it to.
I want to start putting it out there and sharing it with the community I respect so much, but first I need content. But what to write? Imposter syndrome sets in. What could I possibly have to offer the world, especially when such competent and poetic voices already exist?
Thus this post. This morning, as I pondered what, exactly I wanted to post, I realized that everyone is where I am, at some point. Every blog was new at some point in time. If my goal is to share the meaningful stuff, why not start here? Starting a thing is hard. Feeling like you are on the outside of the glass looking in is hard. Even harder when you are not the kind of person who is particularly good at just jumping into the conversation.
So I’m just going to put this out there. I’m going to share my blueprints, as I work through the building process, and ask for input. As I writer, I have always had a beta test group – I have always had willing hands to press my still raw rough drafts into for input, or just to have someone to say “Look at what I made!” Now I’m flying blind. So, in this first post, I’m going to talk about my plans for this space and welcome any and all input that I may get from passers by (well aware that I may be shouting into the void for a long while yet, and ready to meet that challenge too!)
I know I want to post my erotica. Over the years, it has been really hard for me to find a good place to publish erotic work. A few years ago, I’d found a great market – a national paper literary-erotic magazine that I had great respect for (though now I can’t, for the life of me remember the name) and I made it a personal goal to publish there. The second story I sent them hit, and I was queued up to go to print a couple of issues out when the magazine folded. I was crushed, and that was the last time (other than self-publishing) that I tried to get any erotica into print. I’d love to get to a place where my megaphone is loud enough to sell some erotica here, but for now, I just want to be heard.
I want to write posts like this, sort of first person essays that detail my thoughts on whatever the issue of the day may be. I also want to participate in some of the prompts that I see in the blogs I like to read. I think Kayla Lords’ Masturbation Mondays would be a good way to start priming the pump for writing erotica again, and I like Wicked Wednesday for keeping me writing these more conversational blog posts. I am also thinking about adding a weekly prompt (unless one exists) about the specific challenges of health issues and kink, because I want to talk about my experiences in that realm, but I don’t want that to be the entire focus of this blog. I am really drawn by the idea of February Photofest, but also aware that I’m just getting my feet wet here, and not quite ready to start posting photos – especially as I sort out how my space on the internet interfaces with my very internet savvy / social media dwelling teenagers. (The short of it is that they know the blog exists, but don’t know the address – everyone is fairly comfy with that arrangement. I’ll post more on that situation – I’m sure.) Maybe next year for photos!
Finally, I want to write toy reviews and book reviews. I love getting and playing with new toys, and I love when I can learn more about something I want to order by reading a good review of the product. I love reading about sex, and nerding out over every little detail, and I love when I can find books that still, after all these years of living the sex nerd lifestyle, can blow my mind. I want to contribute to that effort, because I definitely have a lot to say. Plus, playing with new toys and writing about it is fun, and a good excuse to read as much sex nonfiction and erotica as possible is always welcome.
I know that I want Daddy to be at least marginally involved with the site, but not exactly how just yet.
Taking the first step feels really overwhelming and scary. I would love to launch this site with some swagger – to project that I have my shit together. If I want to focus, for this site, on Exploring the Depths – on saying what’s really underneath that surface – I can’t start on the wrong foot by pretending I feel a confidence that I haven’t quite found yet. Starting a thing, especially when that thing feels important to you is scary, but there it is.
For anyone who actually reads this at the onset, when this blog is still more of an idea than a genuine thing, welcome to my little space. I hope you’ll come in and make yourself at home while the construction dust settles and I figure out how to do this.